Just not sure...

Facebook is a great way to re-connect with people. I have re-connected with many friends from High School. One is my ex-boyfriend from 7th grade. I have little memory of him in HS but I have little memory of much in HS.

Recently, he wrote me and started flirting via the chat. I thought it was just him being funny and did not take it seriously. So when it started to get more serious I hesitated. But with good reason: I was still somewhat with AJ and was not sure it was the right time to move on and start something with someone new. Also, I was not sure how fair that would be to me or him.

When AJ and I started having big problems I considered giving the old new guy a chance. One night while I was making my way home I stopped at his house to say hi and meet before we decided to go out on a real date. If you know someone is coming to see you and you have not seen them in years wouldn't you put a little effort into impressing them? We he did not. I was disappointed and a little turned off. And all I could think of was getting home and hoping to see AJ.

I felt a little shallow because I judged. I don't want to be judged but I was doing it to him. So I decided to take things slow. In the mean time AJ and I were still in battle. This puts a big damper on the whole trying to move on and give old new guy a chance. I have been back and forth and probably have been leading him on a bit too. Or at least messing with his head.

This brings me to last weekend. We had a little reunion of sorts at our old elementary school and he showed up. (He did not attend the same elementary school as the rest of us but decided to crash the party anyway). We talked for a bit but then he had to leave. I thought maybe I could open up enough to give him another chance.

After he left, one of my friends mentioned that old new guy really has strong feelings for me. He loved me. He told her that he always loved me and that he did not know what to do about me at this point. He was also very jealous that she was hanging out with me that same night and he was not. I don't think I have ever had anyone feel like this about me. It is a little scary and exciting. My friend told me to just take it easy with him and that if I felt like I did not want to pursue things with him to be direct and tell him so.

Sunday night be decided to chat with me. I was upset because AJ brought his new girl home and I saw them. This is also the girl he swears he is not seeing. So when old new guy wanted to chat I was a little emotional and a little rude to him. Now I think he has decided to take a moment and leave me be. In his own slightly rude way.

I am not sure if I am upset or relieve. I still don't know what I want but I was willing to give it a try and now maybe there won't be that chance.

Once again I have failed to take a chance.
Boo on me.